Leanne Nalani

{March 14, 2014}   Negative Self-Talk


I felt ashamed of myself when asked if I was proud of my weight loss. Why? Here’s what happened:

I went to another teacher’s classroom to pick up some T-Shirts for my students. He said that if their size is incorrect and they happen to need an XS, they can exchange. He said he needs to get rid of the XS sizes because there are too many, so I said, “Hey, I can fit an XS,” with a slight hope that maybe I would get yet another piece of school swag for my growing collection.

He kind of rolls his eyes, smiles and says, “You’re just saying that because you’re so proud of yourself.” I know that sounds kind of quippy, but I am pretty sure his intentions were good and he meant it more genuinely than it sounded/looked.

The bad part was my automatic response, “NO.”

Why in the world did I say I wasn’t proud of that achievement? It took about 5 seconds for me to process that I responded that way only because of this past weekend and of course the other times I’ve gone overboard, but I didn’t want to tell him that. Luckily he prompted me to revise my answer by telling me how tiny I am and how I should be proud. So I said, “Well, ok, yeah,” took the T-shirts (but not one for me, bummer), and made a hasty exit.

It’s unfortunate how low one’s self-esteem can be when the positives outweigh the negatives. This goes to show that I must do a lot more negative self-talk than I think. Negative self-talk is like a self-fulfilling prophecy. Thinking so much about the negatives, the mistakes, and the problems for some reason impacts the way I view myself regardless of all the positives. I think that is common for a lot of people.

How do we get ourselves to do more positive self-talk?



Amen to this. You should be proud damn it — set backs included. We all have em, it’s how you bounce back that matters.

Exactly and thank you. I’m feeling great about my bounce back this week, especially because I didn’t overcompensate through over-exercising and eating too little.

I just had this conversation with a mom friend, about how our self-talk about our own mothering has saying things about ourselves we’d never say or allow someone else to say about our friends. I’m the same way about my body as well, in terms of self-talk. I’m trying to catch myself and reframe it as “Would I say this about someone else?” to try to break the habit, but it is hard!

Good thinking tactic with considering what you’d say to other people vs. yourself. Sounds like a strategy I could use.

Tara Jane says:

I’m sure your automatic response was more a response to the motivation for asking for another tshirt, and not actually trying to say that you weren’t proud. But you’re right, it’s so easy to keep saying we haven’t done enough or been good enough. We should be proud of all the things we achieve 🙂

Oooh good point, I think you are right! I hadn’t considered that but yes, I may have said that out of defensiveness because my motivation for mentioning the XS was simply because I wanted a shirt and not because I wanted to brag about my weight loss. haha

Michelle says:

I did an evening teaching my Girl Guides about self-bullying. Why is it ok to say or think something about ourselves that we would never say or think about others? Bullying yourself is just as bad as bullying someone else we decided. They made cards that got passed around the group and each girl wrote something nice about each of the others on their card. Then we all got to take our card home to read. I don’t know about the girls, but my card lives in my purse now. If I’m having a bad day I read about how I inspire these girls, push them to reach their potential and am “really funny and creative”.

Colin DeWaay says:

I think the important thing is how aware of it you are. If you are aware you can work on the things you want to change.You ARE proud, you probably just didn’t want to sound conceited.

Very interesting quote on self talk. Each point is noteworthy. thanks for sharing, i enjoyed reading your article.

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