A Note on the Problem
Last time I talked about my problem with balance. My eating patterns were suffering in 2013 from an imbalance. Something I forgot to mention is that this was never a problem like this before I lost the weight. I’ve lost significant amounts of weight many times in my life but have never had issues with restricting and then bingeing and then restricting again. I am chalking it up to maintenance because all the times before I never learned how to maintain, hence gaining it all back each time. This time I have maintained a healthy weight for almost 2 years.
In January of 2012 I hit my goal weight and that is when maintenance began. I was still in “weight loss mode” mentally so I ended up losing 10 more pounds in an attempt to figure out how much to eat to maintain. It was probably the fall of 2012 when the imbalance really began. It’s no wonder because there was a point when I was all the way down to 102 pounds which is not where I should be at 5’2″, despite what the magazines say. Was it my low body weight that compelled me to go crazy on food? Could it have been the stress of a new school year? Who knows. The same thing happened at the beginning of the 2013 school year.
Research Time!
There are a few things I’ve been reflecting on when thinking about how to find a true balance that no longer includes these nasty bouts of eating crap and not exercising for weeks on end.
Jen at Artificiallybalanced suggested in this post to repeat this phrase when encountering a junky food you just don’t need right now: “I know what this tastes like already. I’ve had it before, and I can have it again.” This needs to be a regular mantra of mine. When that unhealthy-cravings-mode hits it’s important to think about whether or not the food you want is something you can have at any time. Alternatively she also noted to me that, when encountering a special/rare food such as that thing your family makes only once a year, it’s ok to indulge a bit and enjoy it. This sounds like balance to me!
Danielle at http://somuchfattitude.com/ is reading a book called Intuitive Eating, 3rd Edition right now. It’s now on my Kindle and I started reading it last night. The principles in the table of contents sound relatable.
There is one other book that seems similar and the reviews made it sound worth checking out. For some reason I decided to read that one first. Probably because of the cover. Yeah, it’s the cover. :p
As I read this book the author described me to a T. I almost couldn’t believe her words in the very beginning. It was a very interesting and engaging read that included a good amount of research mixed with memorable anecdotes. The intended audience is clearly for chronic female dieters – Not crash dieters necessarily, but anyone in general who has spent so much of their lives dieting. The author sends a message about throwing out rules in order to stop obsessing over food and dieting and feeling like a failure. Some of the main points also involve using hunger to drive eating and eating what you want to eat, never limiting yourself. Part of it is going through a stage where if you are hungry and you really want to eat cake (or whatever your trigger food is), go for it. In the end you learn to listen to your body and let it guide you, which supposedly guides you towards the healthier foods naturally.
A lot of skeptical questions came up throughout the read so I’m not opening myself up to this whole idea in blind faith. It didn’t address how to deal with eating food at social events or all the other what-ifs that kept popping in my head. It didn’t spend much, if any, time addressing eating situations when you are not hungry. Aren’t there times when we eat when we’re not hungry and it’s considered ok? Like let’s say I’m not hungry but I kind of want some ice cream. That would be eating what I want so I’m not depriving myself. But I’m not hungry… When else would I eat those foods? If I don’t ever eat them then I will surely end up bingeing on them at some point.
I noticed that there are times when I think that I don’t deprive myself at all. What a lie! It was an unintentional lie. Not only do I almost never allow myself to eat the foods I love the most, but I obsess over everything I eat every day. I plan ahead in MFP today, what I’m going to eat tomorrow. If it doesn’t fit into my budget and I’m “being good”, then I don’t eat it even if I really want it.
What about those times when we’ve had friends over and ordered pizza? I didn’t partake because it wouldn’t fill me up and was way over my calorie limit. Kinda weird and rude. Do I like pizza? Um, yeah…
Or the time last summer when I wouldn’t eat any of the breakfast items our friends made while we were in Montana because it was all bacon and egg/ham/muffins that I perceived to be too unhealthy to start my day. Kinda rude. Would I have liked those things for breakfast? You betcha. And what happened when I chose to eat my granola bar instead? In a day or two I completely gave up and ate everything in sight the rest of the week. No holds barred.
The Experiment
After finishing the book, I chose to experiment and see how things go. One part is to allow myself to have those “kryptonite” foods when I want them in the beginning. This is crazy, I know, but bear with me. I went to the store and bought pretty much all of my kryptonite foods. If I want Ben & Jerry’s, I can have it. I’ll probably be less likely to eat the whole pint knowing I can have it any time. As soon as I got home I ate a pinwheel and one of those small sugar cookies with the pink sprinkled frosting. I was really hungry and that’s what I wanted at the time. It tided me over until dinner. We went out to an Italian restaurant where I did not look at the menu ahead of time and ordered what I really wanted rather than a compromise, which was the seafood fettuccine alfredo. I ate half of a cheesy garlic breadstick and the whole lunch-sized entree, which actually wasn’t too large at all. The amount of food made me full but not stuffed.
I did make a mistake afterwards. I was ordering a pint of Cold Stone to take home for another day, but there was extra ice cream that didn’t fit into the container, so the employee gave it to me to eat right then and there. I ate it because I really wanted it, but I was full so technically I shouldn’t have. Then again, since I had it yesterday, I’m less likely to want it again today, so maybe that works in my favor?
By the end of the night I’d eaten a total of about 1800 calories. I’m not worried about it because that doesn’t seem too bad.
Leanne Nalani 